I had a talk with my mom the other day and it was pretty interesting. There's nothing more interesting to me than getting a look into an adults mind...

My mom and my dad have been fighting a lot lately and it eventually ends with my dad leaving the house, and my mom going to call her mom to get some advice. Well, when I asked my mom why my grandma had been calling so much, my mom just told me that she needed some advice and that she was trying to get some help cleaning her heart. That got me kind of curious....Because I've always thought my mom was some kind of super mom and that she didn't have to deal with problems like that. I finally got her to tell me that she's been having a hard time forgiving my dad for some of the stuff he's said. This confession brought on a whole new topic on forgiveness.

My mom asked me if I've ever had a hard time forgiving someone or if I've ever kept a really long grudge. And once I had thought about it, I realized that I never hold something against someone. I told my mom that I had decided long ago that if the person I was mad at died the next day I would feel awful because I had never gotten the chance to say that they were forgiven. And it's true...with everything going on in our country the way it is shouldn't it be better to forgive while you still can? Forgiving is a hard concept to accept....but just because you don't like what someone has done doesn't mean you should be the one holding the grudge.

Regrets You Never Realized Before Can Become Your Biggest Mistakes.

So in case you hadn't noticed before....I really like to have long titles for pretty much everything I write. And I'm going to have to apologize right now to anyone that reads my blog because 1) I haven't written in a while and 2) because I lied....this will be my last post about regular stuff before I start putting poetry up here. So sorry!!!!!!!

So for all you people who don't know, I've recently learned that sometimes...the person you love can't help you with all the missing pieces called your life. I always thought when I was little that the only thing missing from my life was the kind of love that my parents have for each other. But, I now know what real love truly is and now that I know I can see that there is so much more missing from my life than I ever realized. Short story is, I fell in love with the wrong person. And for all you people out there who don't believe that teenagers can fall in love I need you to think again.

This week I've really been looking at myself and who I really am; the things I've uncovered about myself are pretty much all the same. This entire time I've been regretting the choices I've made because of this boy but when I really looked at it this week I figured out that regretting everything is the biggest mistake I ever made.

People all around the world spend so much time regretting things that they miss out on experiences that are always going to be right behind them. This is one of our biggest mistakes of all. I'm starting to understand now what my mom is always saying when she tells me to just live in the moment. But we all choose to live in that one specific moment for so long that we miss all of the other moments that need to be had. It's good to live in the moment at that time of our life, but if another experience comes along shouldn't we let go of that other time in our life and move on to the other? This is the main question I can't seem to figure out anymore....I want to live in a period of time that was always so good in my life. Because I want to live in that time though makes me not want to move on to embrace the next fun thing happening in the present. So should I move on or live in the moment that made me happiest? Personally I've been starting to think about moving on...I'm starting to take the first steps to correcting my mistakes. I just hope I won't make too many on my way out of the height to which I have fallen.

How is it that it's so easy to let my feelings out when it's poetry but not to anything else?

So...It's been a while since I wrote my last blog huh? Well That won't be happenening anymore! I was just gonna let ya'll know that I've decided to put all of my poetry that I write up here. For me, the words and emotions flow out more when I'm writing poetry. So if ya'll don't mind I think I shall do that from now. =D

The Real me is a hard thing to see...

So...blogging is a completely new thing for me! But as someone wise once said "In order to face your fears try one new every day." I guess this is my new thing.

I've realized lately that one of the only reasons I ever really smile anymore is to watch someone else's face light up. There's just something about watching someone go from sad to happy all within 1 minute. And I guess one of the reasons I watch their faces light up is because I want to see if maybe their joyful mood will somehow come out into me...does that even make sense?

The funny thing anout people is that we only believe what we want to believe...or we only want to see what we think we see. For me, having people see what I want them to see isn't hard...because for some strange reason all I have to do is paste a smile on my face and anyone will believe I'm ok. But when someone truly sees you and doesn't just see the face you put on every day shouldn't that mean something? There are so many questions that I'm trying to find the answers to lately. And the basic one is what do I do when someone does see the real me...?